A la deriva
Please write comments on my essay here
Comentarios
Hello Emily,
- In the first paragraph, you use the word "comon." Are you trying to say common --> "común" or "como"?
- spelling mistake: "relampaguos" --> "relámpagos"
- "prefereible" --> "preferible"
Overall, good variety in sentences!
Hey Emily,
ditto to Maha's correction for relámpagos. When you start a sentence with the word "él" make sure it's capitalized. I like the connection to your life but you could have developed the last 2 paragraphs a little more.
very good!
Hey Emily
>él sufrió mucho dolor en la pierna y también el pie--just make sure that you sentence starts with a capital letter
>él buscaba a su amigo Alves pero Alves no estaba--just the same problem as before
>penso--there should be an accent on the "o"
>Al principio el hombre fue determinado--i think that it should be era instead of fue, because he was determind the whole time
You did a great job with the story and i like your connection
Hey Emily
-I agree with Maha about all the spelling errors.
-And I think within the context, I think "comon" is a typo of "como" because I think you're trying to say the pain was like lightning.
-minor, but "él" in the first paragraph should be "Él" capitalized. The code is Alt + 0201 in case you didn't know. This happens in a couple places
-"De repente el hombre sentía mejor y los dolores se vayan.": "se vayan" should be "se fue"; "sentía" should be "sintió" because I think the preterite works better. You can see when he becomes better and the pain leaves. It's not continual
-"tuvó" is "tuvo"; no need for accent
-"penso" needs an accent, "pensó"
Over all, just watch the typos. I really liked the varied sentence structure.
Jason
Hi Emily
Great job on you essay I really liked the connection you made to your life. I only have a few corrections and I think a couple of them have already been said:
-in the first paragraph when you say "tambien el pie" I think it should be "tambien en el pie" instead
- also in the first paragraph you use a word "fulgurantes" I couldn't find this word in any form of Spanish English dictionary I used so maybe its a typos, or maybe I just couldn't find it.
- Also in the first paragraph you have the word relampaguos when it should be relámpagos
Good job!
Emily
good job. i liked yours. I saw a lot of the same things Maha did. You used comon which i dont know what that means. I saw relampaguos also which is spelled incorrectly.
Hola Emily!
* "pisó una víbora. él sufrió mucho"- Just make sure to capitalize the first word of the sentence.
* "comon continuos"- I think this should be como.
* "cuando"- should be cuándo, with an accent.
* "tuvó"- doesn't need an accent.
* "prefereible"- careful with spelling, it should be preferible.
Good Job!
paragraph 1:
- I don't think that "fulgurantes" is a word, however, it could have just been a spelling error
- "comon" is also not a word, but it seems like instead there was just a spelling error, with the intended word being como
- "relampaguos" should be spelt "relámpagos"
- tuvo does not need an accent on the o
- try not to switch verb tense so frequently when either the past or the present can be adhered to instead of both (ex: De repente el hombre sentía mejor y los dolores se vayan.)
- penso should have an accent on the o
paragraph 2:
- instead of saying "fue determinado", I agree with Alyssa in that era may be a better choice, however, I don't feel that it is a necessary change
paragraph 3:
- "prefereible" should be spelt preferible
- nice job relating it back to your life
In regards to the focus of this, I think that the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs should be more developed, as Abby suggested and also that the focus should not be on your synopsis in the first paragraph, but rather it's connection to your life.
practice
Hey Emily,
-When you're referring to "he" by using él, the E should be capitalized at the beginning of a sentence.
-"tambien el pie"- it would probably make more sense here to say tambien en el pie, but im not sure.
-you said "comon" but it should be como
-"relampaguos" should be relámpagos.
-tuvo doesn't need an accent on the o.
-instead of saying "violento escalofrio" you should say "escalofrio violento" putting the adjective after the noun.
-one last thing, penso needs an accent on the o.
Great Job!!
